oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
