We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
