I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
