At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
