literally had 100 drinks last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
