I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
