My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
