Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
