I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't deserve a penis
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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