We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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