I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
