Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
