you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
