I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
