No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So much rum. So many feels.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
