so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
