Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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