my vag is so smooth its legendary
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
