He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
