i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
