I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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