I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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