we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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