Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
