we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
