Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
