you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
