Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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