so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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