And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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