I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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