I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
