There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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