i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
