So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
