My liver just broke up with me...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We have so much sex to catch up on
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
