just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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