i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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