another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
