ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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