So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
