so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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