I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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