you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
