New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
