so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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