You're my little dorito
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
