my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
