How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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