Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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