So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
