I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my poor anus
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
