I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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