i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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