Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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