For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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