dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
